Sugar for my honey

I decided to join the relationship game at 15, the end of my freshman year of high school. Now in my 30’s, dating has been quite the rollercoaster. I have experienced several commonalities as well as many outliers. I have been appalled by some of the most arrogant and audacious things that I have ever heard. At the same time, I have been delighted and flat out smitten by the kind and generous acts of some. With all the hills and valleys, I have learned so much about myself (and the dating game) along the way.

Firstly, high school dating, college dating and grown up dating are three different animals. How I thought in each phase in my life has changed drastically. In high school, I thought relationships were all about making your S/O happy. Doing things they liked, hanging out wherever they wanted to go, etc. In college, I learned that there are actually people that intentionally aim to satisfy you. Problem is, they satisfy everybody, lol. Post high school and college, it took years to adapt the mentality of equally yoked dating.

I flew the nest several years ago, and dating took on a whole new meaning. After taking care of myself for years, my eyes have been opened to how minimal the efforts of some have been. I have come across those who have told me to get off my pedestal and accept their left overs. I have come across those who don’t want anything serious, but throw huge tantrums if they don’t have my undivided attention. I have also solidified what my deal breakers are. Most importantly, I have become very comfortable in my standards.

Red flags have shown up a lot faster. Ill intentions have also shown up a lot faster. Most of all, since being on my own, convenience has been the biggest problem of my personal dating experience. The need to contribute or participate in anything of any substance doesn’t exist. All the while, tearing down on me to keep hold of the convenience of it all. As much as I would love to participate, my sanity and peace of mind will not allow.

The biggest lesson I had to learn, after much trial and error, is to stand ten toes down in all of what you want. All the tantrums, all the manipulation, the slander….never let it shake you, ever!!!! Treat awful people exactly how they treat you to get them out of your life faster. Cut poisonous exchanges shorter, faster. Most of all, establish boundaries to and for yourself, and operate within those boundaries. Whoever it bothers will disappear sooner than later.

Love and Vibes, Nichole Naomi

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