Free to be you and me

Growing up, I have never been the “crew” type. I was in a crew in high school, but that didn’t end too well. Since then, I have always been a one-friend type of girl. Everyone I’m friends with have no connection to each other, but have me in common. Friendships I thought would have lasted forever, fell apart for one reason or another. After a while, I would just hang out with people because I had nothing else to do. I always thought to myself, well it’s not like I have anything better to do anyway, I could use the entertainment. At least I’m out of my house. Unfortunately, that has caused others to feel like they’re doing me a favor and I should express my gratitude by being a good little puppy. As you can imagine, that has caused several fallouts over the years, with guys and friends alike.

My best friend of 16 years has been my rock. Aside from my family, she has been the reason I have any close friends at all. She’s the only close friend I’ve ever had that wasn’t my friend because she wanted to feel better about herself. Aside from her, I have other friends that have specific purposes. Party friends, brunch friends, travel friends, just all around unproblematic good company. No drama, no man issues, no mental issues, just chill and easy.

As we get older, making new friendships isn’t like our school days. Co-workers are a possibility, but I don’t trust work colleagues too tough. Friends through a friend can be a good possibility, but they usually stick to the mutual friend. It has been very rare that I have come across genuine friends that are not looking to drag me for one reason or another. I do have a handful of long time friends that I love. Finding your tribe is essential to your personal growth. I’m friends with who I’m friends with because of what I can learn about myself from them. Everyone I’m close to has taught me something about myself in one way or another. Also, not being a “crew” type of girl has also taught me to enjoy my own company. Going to restaurants alone for a solo lunch date, going to the movies alone and not feeling weird, small things that make me more comfortable in my own skin are very necessary.

Be more intentional in finding your tribe. Why would you want to be friends with this person or these people? Understand that no one’s world revolves around you, so don’t be so quick to take “lack of support” as a personal attack against you. Also learn to appreciate when things end. Get used to unblocking your blessings. You never know what people have going on that they don’t tell you about. Finally, once someone has made their intentions clear to you, always move accordingly.

Love and Vibes,
Nichole Naomi

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